Bad parents vs. Good parents

I don't like bad parents.

I don't like when a mother literally drags her kids out of the subway, berating them for being 12 years old and losing something that's replaceable. I don't like it when moms swat at their kids on the subway for being 3 years old and thirsty, whining for the empty bottle that she didn't refill. I don't like when dads hush their kids outside at a bus stop and make them stand still right next to them when all they want to do is be a kid, and walk in circles around a tree or crawl between fence rails in the park while they wait for the bus that is ALWAYS LATE. 

 I do like when parents love their kids, when they play hide and go seek for five minutes straight even when they could be having conversation with adults. I do like when parents help their daughter plan a wedding, or when they send random boxes of goodies, or when they text her with the score of her sister's soccer game. I do like when parents respect their children and help them figure out the best was to navigate the world.

This weekend we had a safety seminar training orientation thingy.  A past president of the DC Rape Crisis Center spoke with us for 4 hours on Sunday on how to respond to harassment and confront uncomfortable situations that we might face this year.  One of the things we talked about was how to respond to abusive parenting. The speaker called it the "Pretty Baby" response.  You're supposed to say, "oh, what a cute baby! Look at those eyes!" to distract the parent and to diffuse some of the tension. Or if something has already happened, then "Oh, what a cute child! What just happened?"   At first I was kind of skeptical about how often I would need to employ this technique (after all, my parents would never do such things, so why would anyone else's right?).  But, within 24 hours of this training, there it was: a mother yelling at her daughter about something or other. I was already on the subway on this occasion, but even so, I wondered if I would have done anything about it had I been on the platform with the family.  What was I supposed to say? "Oh hey ma'am, your teenager is so cute, what's going on?" Ehhhhhhh. I'm not convinced. But I'm not satisfied with watching silently either. 

So, for me, the take away is two-fold. 1) There will be instances when I shouldn't be afraid to disrupt the status quo, especially when that means stopping harassment and giving people (children included) the respect they deserve. No one should be invisible.  2) The safety and love I received as a child (that I still receive as an adult) is such an incredible blessing. My parents are beyond-words-awesome. I wouldn't trade them for anything. Mom and Dad, thanks for being good parents.